my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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