My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize