Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
