Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
