Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
