You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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