god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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