I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
