I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
