this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
