Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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