i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
