Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
