I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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