yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
