Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
