I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
