I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize