yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
