Soap is not a condiment
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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