You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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