This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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