don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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