My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
