I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
