Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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