So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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