things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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