DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
