I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
