His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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