The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
