mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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