I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
