she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize