He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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