I feel like abortions should bother me more
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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