yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
