just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
