Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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