Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
