if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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