They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize