i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Are we still banned from the library?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
