he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
