Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
