You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
