Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
