I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
