Already got asked if we're dating
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
