Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
