Got a toothbrush?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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