She is in my trunk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
