he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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