so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
50% drunk capacity currently
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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