Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
