You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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