I think I won the penis lottery.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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