A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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