you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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