So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
