apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
