my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Drunk is a universal language darling
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
