I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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