Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
