if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
