She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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