Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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